


The Magician

by AmoElit



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gender-Neutral Apprentice (The Arcana), Magic, Male Pronouns for Asra (The Arcana), Multi, Mutual Pining, Other, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn, Sweet Asra (The Arcana), Tarot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-19
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-08-25 22:27:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 12,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16669528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmoElit/pseuds/AmoElit
Summary: Magic, lust, and longing collide when a magician's apprentice falls for a dark and dramatic doctor. Unbeknownst to the apprentice though, the magician's smile is all a facade as he struggles to conceal a love of his own.Find the playlist on Spotifyhere!





	1. Chapter 1

I slipped through the door of the shop, barely concealing a smile. Closing it behind me, I breathed a happy sigh and battled to suppress an excited squeak. In an attempt to pass through unnoticed, I headed for the stairs. However, Asra, never one to miss a thing, appeared in the doorway to the shrouded back room where customers have their fortunes read through the cards.

"Pleasant evening?" My master asked, with a lopsided smirk.

"I guess you could say so." I practically tripped over every word that tumbled from my mouth, grinning sheepishly.

"Did you eat?" he asked, choosing to ignore my awkward demeanour. He's forever asking after my well-being like that.

I assured him that I had, and that I could really do with some rest. With an odd expression, Asra bid me goodnight and retreated back into the dimly lit room.

Upstairs, I leapt onto my small but blissfully soft bed. Struggling to contain my excited, adrenaline-fuelled energy burst, I allowed myself one more high-pitched squeak into my balled hands. The same giddy smile I'd been wearing all evening cracked my face once again. In my minds eye, I was replaying the night's events over and over on a loop.

—

Under the guise of going out to meet a visiting cousin near the marketplace, I left Asra tending to a fragrant soup and headed out into the dusky twilight. After walking for a while, a tall figure cloaked in heavy black fabric appeared from an alley to my right. I started before realising, this was who I had come to see.

Julian offered me his arm and we continued our walk in comfortable silence. Although nothing was official between us as such, we both knew our affections were reciprocated. We were headed for the evening markets, where we would eat delicious street food and simply enjoy each other's company.

"So what did you say you were doing tomorrow?" Julian's question brought me back to the present.

"Oh, I'll just be working in the shop again, maybe practicing with the cards later."

"The shop? The magic shop down that little side street back there?"

"That's the one," I replied. "Why?"

A flicker of some emotion I couldn't place danced across Julian's eyes, but he recovered composure in a split second and smiled.

"I think I knew the owner of that shop once."

It occurred to me then that I had no idea how the shop had come to be, or really anything about Asra's past. It also dawned on me that Julian had felt awfully familiar, and that it had been him who had apparently broken into the shop a few weeks ago.

"Who, Asra?" I asked.

"Yes, the magician and I were once..." his sentence trailed off.

I decided not to press the matter further, and when I spoke again, Julian jumped, seemingly jolted from a deep daydream.

"Shall we dance?" I asked.

A small group of musicians had started up a merry tune in a somewhat open area. Julian smiled down at me, bowed deeply, and offered me his hand.

Much of the rest of the night passed as a blur, as Julian whirled me around the cobbled courtyard. Eventually, though, the air grew chilly and the crowd thinned, and we walked back in the direction of the shop. We walked slower and slower as we grew closer to the shop, but finally we approached the familiar oak door.

"Until we meet again, then." Julian breathed, bending down to brush my cheek with a kiss.

I blushed, fumbling to open the door. When I looked up again, Julian had vanished into the moonless night.


	2. Chapter 2

A familiar, smoky scent wafted by, and I knew Asra had just walked past my bedroom. I popped my head around the door and watched him disappear into his own room, a trail of steam behind him from his freshly brewed tea. Slightly disappointed at his quiet behaviour, I flopped back onto the bed. I was still curious about Julian's mention of the shop, and how he seemed to know Asra. Perhaps that would be a question for another time. Sighing softly, I curled into the feather-filled pillows and quilts, and settled down to rest.

I awoke halfway sometime during the night, sensing a presence nearby. In the dark, and through my squinted, sleepy eyes, I could only make out a cloud of fluffy white hair, but that was all I needed.

"Asra?" I murmured.

There was a short intake of breath, and all of a sudden, a soft, cool hand brushed a stray lock of hair from my face. The same smoky tea scent drifted through the room, and Asra was gone again.

The next time I woke up, the early morning sun streamed through the window, already warm. I dressed, and made my way downstairs, to what appeared to be an empty shop. For a few moments, I allowed myself to enjoy the peace, rearranging vials, crystals and bundles of herbs on small shelves around the shop, before properly opening. Knowing we were unlikely to receive any customers for a while yet, I held aside one of the jewel-toned drapes to peer into the back room. Asra sat in the dim haze, incense burning and teacup steaming. He appeared deep in thought, consulting his tarot cards in silence.

"Master. Good morning!" I called softly.

He looked up, startled for a moment, then tutted, realising it was me.

"You're still calling me that. There's really no need."

He smiled and beckoned for me to join him, arranging a second cup and filling it with tea. After all this time, I still wasn't sure if I liked the rich, amber-coloured drink - Lapsang souchong, it was called - but Asra brewed it religiously whenever he was around at home. It's scent was warm and comforting, and was what I automatically associated with him. I felt awkward, sitting at his low table. It was quite rare that I was ever in this room, only ever for practicing reading the cards with Asra. He, on the other hand, lolled easily across the cushions strewn over the floor surrounding the round table, his white shirt agape to reveal his bare, tanned chest.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, propping himself up on one elbow.

I could ask him the same thing. The way he'd been before, brow furrowed, staring into the cards, made me think he was worried over something. Instead, I opted for honesty and a shy smile.

"I've actually, um, been seeing someone...recently...a few times"

He looked like he expected me to say this. Not an ounce of surprise crossed his face. A soft flush coloured the apples of his cheeks, and, after a moments pause, smiled a bright, dimpled beam.

"Well that's just wonderful!!" He exclaimed. "Is he perfect? You deserve perfect."

"Given that it's only been a few weeks, I can't really say. But he seems to think the world of me."

Asra smiled again, and hastily gathered his cards back into two neat stacks, and stood. Offering his hand to help me up, he looked through the swathes of fabric to see outside.

"We should make sure we're ready for any customers." He said, suddenly all business.

And just like that, the strange, personal moment was gone and things were back to normal.


	3. Chapter 3

A few days passed, Asra and I still in the awkward limbo stage of being extremely personally entwined, but also maintaining a certain distance. The odd relationship of a magician and his apprentice. He is usually more than willing to let his emotions flow freely, praise spilling from his lips at any opportunity. I, on the other hand, am far more reserved. Especially given that I have virtually no memories prior to when I woke up in Asra's arms, oh, when was that? Anyway, I tend to be fairly cautious around people, not expressing myself too much. In the privacy of my own room though, Julian makes my heart flutter and my stomach filled with butterflies.

I was planning to see him later tonight, Julian. I wanted to do something special for him, wanted to try and officiate a label for...whatever we were. But what? I hadn't had any sort of relationship that I could remember, so this was all brand new to me. I should ask Asra, I decided. He would surely know the perfect gesture to win over Julian's heart.

I ventured down the stairs to the shop in search of him, but found only Faust, a lilac snake Asra kept as his familiar. They shared a strong bond, and it was unusual for them to be apart, unless Faust had been sent to look out for someone, or something. She was dangling from a low-hanging beam in the small kitchen, and I absent-mindedly scratched at her chin.

A moment later, Asra appeared in the kitchen. His silent footfall still startled me. His languid movements, accompanied by an easy smile, suggested he had recently awoken, although I knew this would not be the case. Asra, most always relaxed and fluid in demeanour, did not appear to sleep all that often.

"I'll be heading out today," he said. "I'm not sure when I'll be back, but I know you're more than capable of holding down the shop while I'm gone."

"What, again?" I asked, trying to mask the frustration in my voice.

"I know, I know, I'm always gone. It's just something I need to do."

Asra always seemed to possess the uncanny ability to read my thoughts. It was as if he'd known me forever, and sometimes I felt like he knew me better than I know myself.

"But...but what will I do, here on my own? Why do you have to go again? Can't you just stay here?" I was brimming with questions I knew I wouldn't receive answers to, as was always the case when he left on one of his journeys.

He simply smiled in response.

"You know, I think it could be good for you. It's time you realise your mastery in the cards. You're better than you think!"

I just looked at him, puzzled. From his pocket, he drew the beautifully coloured cards from a pocket. He looked over the intricate details for a moment, before holding them out to me in his hand.

"Here, why don't you show me how wonderful you are? Give me some parting advice for my trip, perhaps?"

I took the cards hesitantly, and Asra ushered me into the back room to be seated at his low, round table. There was no incense burning today, but the musky, smoky scent lingered, along with the glimmering haze. The room was warm, and filled with colourful cushions of velvet and silk, making it a luxurious place to be. Despite this, I still felt somewhat uncomfortable here. This was Asra's realm, and I felt like an intruder, no matter how welcome he told me I was. He was so at home here, sprawled over the cushions on the floor. I sat awkwardly, cross-legged at the table, watching him relax, relishing the comfort of his home. A moment later, he looked up and met my eye, and I immediately looked away.

"Don't be shy," he encouraged. "Go ahead, choose my card."

With shaking hands, I took a card. The Moon. I showed Asra, and he smiled, posing a silent question - could I elaborate?

"The Moon creates illusions in the dead of the night and obscures the truth," I near recited. "Do not ignore your inner voice, and trust your intuition to lead you true."

Asra beamed with pride at my response. I'd been practicing hard, trying to get as familiar as I could with his cards.

"Then I'll keep that advice in mind." Asra smiled warmly, and got up from the table.

I'd almost forgotten about Julian, and the advice I wanted from Asra in the sudden news of his leaving. I scrambled to my feet and hurried after Asra, catching him putting on his hat and coat in the doorway.

"Wait!" I called.

He looked up, eyebrows raised and waiting for me to continue.

"I-I wanted to ask you something." I stammered awkwardly.

"What's on your mind?" He asked, an expectant look still on his face.

Suddenly, I felt shy and awkward. I couldn't place why, but it felt strange telling Asra about Julian. I thought back to the last time I'd seen Julian, when he had mentioned knowing Asra. I felt like I should try to find out more about this backstory, but then I realised Asra was still looking at me, waiting. I decided to just go ahead and come clean.


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm seeing someone, and he said he knows you."

There it was. Out in the open. No more secrets now. Not on my part, anyway.

With a wistful look, Asra just nodded.

"I know," he said. "I've been waiting for you to tell me. Who is he?"

"His name is Julian. He's a doctor."

He looked at me in stunned silence. Eyes wide, lips parted and everything.

"Ilya?" He murmured, almost to himself.

"No, no. He's called Julian." I corrected.

"Yes, Il-Julian and I go back several years now." He seemed thoughtful, but shortly came back to the present. "So, what did you want to ask?"

I considered for a moment asking about the history between him and Julian, how they knew each other, but given the expression on Asra's face decided against it. Instead, I opted to follow my original plan and simply ask him for ideas on how best to surprise Julian with some kind of declaration of fondness. His response was unexpectedly calculated, as if he knew more than he was letting on.

"I think perhaps..." he started slowly. "I think, perhaps, he would be embarrassed if you went out of your way to do something huge for him. I think what he'd prefer would be for you to just be honest about what you want and how you feel."

I nodded, considering his suggestion. Thinking about it now, he was probably right. Julian was a big old flirt, but as soon as the tables were turned and he lost control, he became a flustered, blushing mess. I was lost in thought, grinning girlishly, until Asra cleared his throat softly.

"Was that all you wanted to discuss? Only, I ought to be on my way..."

"Oh! Yes, I-I just wanted your advice I suppose. Another perspective?" I stammered hastily. While I felt we were relatively close, he was still my master and teacher, and I didn't want to hold him up unnecessarily.

With a smile, he wrapped his colourful coat around his lithe figure, and donned his black hat, decorated by a bright feather. Allowing Faust to curl around his shoulder, he turned back to me.

"As I said, I'm not certain how long I'll be gone. But you'll be fine here won't you?" It seemed more a reassurance than a question. "I'll be back before you know it."

He winked cheekily, and headed off into the early afternoon light. I leaned against the doorframe, watching him walk into the melee of town, and then eventually disappear, blending with the crowd. For a while, I continued to stand there, thinking more about what he'd said. I so very much wanted to know how he and Julian knew each other, and why Asra had referred to him with a different name. Perhaps I'd ask him when he returned.

Deciding I should make myself somewhat more presentable to meet Julian, I made my way back upstairs to freshen up. The whole time, I couldn't stop thinking about what he would say in response to me taking control and telling him exactly how I felt. While I was still ridiculously excited at the prospect of some sort of label for what we had, I still felt a horrible twinge of anxiety in my stomach. What if he had changed his mind? Pushing all thoughts of negativity aside, I stood and set off to my usual meeting spot with Julian.

—

As I expected, Julian appeared from the alleyway, which, presumably, lead to where he lived. He smiled warmly, as always, and took my hand in his. We walked, mostly, in comfortable silence until we reached a small, sheltered bay by the docks. We sat on the sand and stared at the water, my head on his shoulder, for quite some time before I spoke up.

"Julian I...I wanted to talk to you, actually." I began awkwardly. My heart was fluttering uncomfortably, and my hands were shaking, and I just knew the nerves would have shown in the crack of my voice. 

"I have also been thinking lately, my love. But you go ahead first, tell me what troubles you." He spoke eloquently, and I hoped that he had been thinking along the same lines as me. 

"Well...we've been spending a lot of time together recently haven't we? And we have a lot of fun, right? Or at least, I know I do. And now, the more I see you, the more I know how strongly I feel about you. I think I...I think I love you, Julian. And I was hoping, I suppose, that you feel at least a bit the same. So that perhaps, just maybe, we could be something for real. A proper relationship, I guess." I spoke the last part of my garbled ramble almost as a question, before, stupidly, opting to reinforce my point again. "I really do think I love you." 

Julian stared at me in what I assume was stunned silence, a hot, red flush rising in his cheeks. His eyes shifted, and he looked down, toying with a button on his white shirt. 

"I don't know what to say. Only, as I said, I, too, have been thinking about this. I have something to say as well."


	5. Chapter 5

Julian stared into his lap for an uncomfortably long while. I sat beside him in awkward silence, every passing second adding to the growing feeling of dread. I nudged him gently with my elbow, internally willing him to say something, anything, to ease the pain of not knowing what he was thinking. 

"Julian?" I urged softly. 

He looked up, but still didn't meet my gaze. He took a breath, and finally broke the awful silence.

"My darling, you know I care deeply for you..." He looked down again, continuing to fiddle absently with a button that seemed to be coming loose. 

"Well, yes. You're wonderful to me." I replied, trying to bolster his confidence with compliments. 

"So please don't think terribly of me...it isn't to do with you..."

"Julian, please just tell me. Whatever it is, please just get on with it. I can't bear this!" 

"My love, I can't see you anymore. I just...we can't be together." He said this all rather quickly, and then turned his head to face away from me. 

"What? Why not?" I asked, feeling that choking sensation constricting my throat. 

"Because I...you...we just...we just can't. It's a...a matter of personal history." 

"Can't you at least tell me what it is?" I pleaded. I felt hot tears forming, and fought to prevent them spilling over and driving telltale tracks down my cheeks. 

"It's very personal, and doesn't only involve me. I'm not sure the other person would want me to tell you that." 

I stood up, frustrated. 

"Fine. If you ever want to tell me, you know where to find me. Until then, I should have known! I don't want to hear from you unless it's an explanation!" I was shouting at this point, and had apparently abandoned any effort to avoid crying, as tears were flowing freely now. I turned on my heel, and hurried away, leaving Julian sat alone on the sand. 

I half ran all the way back to the shop, muttering to myself how I should have known not to trust him. I should have known he wasn't good for me. I should have trusted my instinct, and not given him the time of day after he seemingly broke into the shop. Then it clicked. Perhaps there was more to this than I was seeing. When he broke in that night, he said he was looking for the magician. Maybe...maybe he and Asra had some more history than either of them let on. Still, even if that was the case, especially if that was the case, Julian had led me on, and I was so...everything. Confused, furious, heartbroken. I had reached the shop by now, and went inside, letting the door bang behind me. 

In my current state, trapped in the hurricane of my own mind, I barely noticed Asra leaning casually against the counter. 

"Back so soon?" His voice surprised me. 

"I...could ask you the same thing?" Although my vision was still blurred with tears, I could see he looked concerned. 

"I felt like you needed me." He said, as explanation. "What's happened?" 

I broke down again, and took only a couple of steps forward before practically collapsing into his arms. 

"It...all...went...wrong." I sobbed into his chest. 

He held me tightly, and half carried me to the back room. We sat there, me curled into him, and him holding me gently but firmly, for who knows how long, but the next time I looked up from the now damp folds of his shirt, it was dark outside.


	6. Chapter 6

Several of the candles around the room had burned out, leaving a dim glow. Asra yawned, continuing to sleepily stroke and rub my back as I sniffled and whimpered into his shoulder. Time didn't seem real in this moment. How long had we been here? Eventually, Asra shifted and broke the silence. 

"Would you like to talk? What happened?" His tone of voice was gentle and kind, reassuring me that he was there for me. 

"He broke up with me, I suppose." I said. It was difficult to say, but somehow I felt okay now, curled up with Asra like this. 

He pulled me closer, holding me a little tighter, and sighed. 

"I'd hoped this wouldn't happen to you, but I can't say I'm surprised. I wouldn't have trusted him at all." He spoke knowingly, as if recalling a past memory, serving only to prove, in my mind, his involvement with Julian. 

"He said we couldn't be together because of something in his personal history." I said, musing aloud. "I just...I thought he cared. He was so kind. And, you know, even when he was telling me he couldn't be with me, he called me 'darling' and everything. Even then! After I'd told him I love him, which I do. I think. I'm sure I do. How could he?!" 

Asra held me tighter than ever and looked softly into my eyes. All of a sudden, I was all wrapped up in this moment. His crystal clear violet eyes held me gaze steadily, until I broke it to let my eyes wander, taking him in, almost in a new way. His white hair, fluffy and windswept, his tanned skin free from imperfections, the way his slightly defined muscles strained a little at the seams of his shirt, and most of all, the comforting smell of him. Smoky, and like patchouli. While a small part of me felt uncomfortable, seeing him like this, I was surprised by how familiar it felt. I looked up again, wriggling into a better position to meet his eye once more. 

He took a sharp, shallow breath, and suddenly his nose was brushing mine, and his lips were kissing me. Surprised, I found myself kissing him back, deeply and wholly. He pulled away and looked down quickly. 

"Sorry, I...I shouldn't have...I...I'm sorry." Never usually one to be at a loss for words, Asra stumbled over every syllable. 

Resting a hand on his, I waited for him to look up at me. When he did, I cupped my other hand around his sharp, bony jaw, and pulled him in for another kiss. He seemed caught off guard at first, but soon he was kissing me back more passionately than ever. His hands knotted in my hair at the nape of my neck, and he gently pushed his weight onto me until I was lying flat, and he was propped above me, resting on his elbows. For a while, the dim room was filled only with the sounds of desperate, panting breaths and the rustle of fabric against fabric. I ran my hands down Asra's chest, coming to rest on his prominent hip bones. 

He sat back on his knees for a moment, pausing our tangle only to unbutton his loose linen shirt the rest of the way and slip it off. He raked a hand through his hair, pushing it out of his face, and came back to lean over me. His hands ran down my body, and a shudder of pleasure followed. I took a deep breath, aware of what was coming, and returned his needy kiss.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * somewhat NSFW

I couldn't place why this felt so good, so familiar, but at this moment in time, I really wasn't dwelling on it. Asra's warm, soft lips against mine and his hot breath tickling my cheek were my main focus, until he took his hand and cupped the small of my back, right where it curved. He pulled me gently, rolling over so I was sat across his lap. All I could think was that this was all I wanted. It was oddly fulfilling, as if I had waited for this for a long time. I wasn't distracted for too long, however, because he had my breath catching in my throat all over again as his wandering hands slipped between my thighs. 

He looked up at me through dark lashes, and smirked. I wondered if he was relishing this as much as I was. It certainly seemed like it. He reached up, pulling my shirt over my head, and tossed it aside. I allowed my hands and eyes to roam his tanned body in unison. They came to rest again at his hips, my fingertips tracing the prominent V formed by the subtle definition of his muscles. This seemed all too much for Asra, as he let out a whine of pleasure. He freed himself from beneath me, and crouched, facing me. In one easy, fluid movement, he rose fully, and then he was lifting me up as well. I gladly obliged, wrapping my legs around his narrow waist. He carried me easily, leaning my back against the cool stone of the wall. 

I was completely overcome with indulgent gratification, and hearing Asra's breathy purrs against my neck and jaw only heightened this feeling. I roughly grabbed a fistful of his fluffy hair and pulled, causing his head to jerk back until he was looking at me. 

"Tell me what you want to do to me," I murmured. 

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?" He loosened his grip around me, letting me drop softly to the floor. 

"Yes, Master, please, please." I slid to my knees in front of him, slyly unfastening his brown slacks. 

Suddenly, the intoxicating rosy haze seemed to clear from my mind, and I was abruptly all too aware of what I was doing. In front of me wasn't Julian, to whom, only hours earlier, I had shyly declared my love. No, in front of me was Asra, my master, my teacher no less. Why did I seem to long so desperately for Asra's captivating touch, and why did he make me feel so comfortable to allow him to see me in this most vulnerable state? No matter how much I tried to shake the thoughts and enjoy the moment, I could not get the image of Julian out of my mind. I was still hurt, of course, and soon enough that was all I could think about. 

I rocked back, sitting on my feet. 

"Asra I'm sorry, I can't do this. We shouldn't...I can't...it's not..." I wasn't sure how to describe what I was feeling, and looked down with flushed cheeks. 

He took a step back, and offered me his hand so I could stand up. He smiled, that patient, understanding smile, and brushed the backs of his fingers against my cheekbone. I still couldn't meet his eye, and continued to look anywhere but his face. 

"I think I'd better...go." I pulled away from him awkwardly, and turned to go, scooping up my shirt on my way past.


	8. Chapter 8

I headed up to bed without another word. Once in bed, however, sleep evaded me. I felt confused, and guilty. Guilty for leaving Asra like that, guilty for what could have been with him, and guilty for running away from Julian. I couldn't explain my fondness for Asra, it seemed to have come out of nowhere. And I really didn't know where I stood or how I felt about Julian. I'd told him not to talk to me unless he had an explanation, but I wasn't sure he'd follow through with that. What if I never saw him again? 

I must have drifted into sleep at some stage, because the next thing I knew, it was daylight again. It seemed I slept fitfully, as the various bedding had been tossed all over. As I came around, waking up fully, I became aware of voices downstairs. Customers, perhaps? Had I really slept that late? I dressed in a hurry and ventured down. Halfway down the stairs, I stopped in my tracks. Julian! 

"Ah. You're up." Asra said flatly, turning to me. "Julian is here." 

I came down the rest of the stairs, tentatively, and not looking up. I felt both of them watch me as I joined them. 

"Uh...hi." Julian greeted me sheepishly. "Can we talk?" 

He looked pointedly at Asra, presumably a silent request for him to leave, but Asra looked deliberately away from him. Julian sighed and rubbed the back of his head. 

"Okay, well, I wanted to talk to you. About yesterday. And...what I said." 

"How could you?!" Asra interjected. "I knew from the start you weren't to be trusted!" 

"Now, now, magician." Julian near spat back. "This doesn't concern you."

"Actually, I would say it does! This is my apprentice you're playing with here!" 

"It's not playing it's called dating, something you wouldn't seem to understand." 

They bickered back and forth, voices rising and insults becoming more personal. Finally, I decided to speak up. 

"Well I, for one, actually want to hear what he has to say!" 

Asra looked dejected and backed down, stepping away from Julian to lean on the counter. Julian glared at him, but turned back to me. 

"I just...I just wanted you to know, it's nothing you've done. I care for you more than you'll ever know, we just can't see each other." He looked down at the floor. This was a far cry from the usual, overconfident, overzealous, over-everything Julian I was used to. 

"So...why not, then? If it's not me, like you say, what's the problem?" I was still hurt, despite what last night had suggested, and it was beginning to show in my voice and face. 

"My love, I told you. It's purely personal history. It really isn't my place to tell you details, but I just can't bear to carry on this way. I enjoy our time together, of course I do, and I like you, more than like in fact, but we just...can't." He finished despondently. 

"So you still have no proper explanation to offer, then? Just the same, vague thing you already told me?" 

"All I can say is that I truly care about you, and I would love more than anything to continue the pursuit of a relationship with you. But the fact is, my own heart just couldn't take it." 

"What do you mean?!" I felt myself getting frustrated again, and Asra prickled in the background, ready to defend me at a moment's notice. 

"I told you! I just couldn't do it!" 

"Ilya, there is no need for you to take this out on anyone else!" Asra stepped in. "This is cruel and manipulative, and just like you!!" 

I was startled by Asra using a different name for Julian. It was the same one he'd used when I told him about Julian in the first place. It slipped out so easily, sounded so familiar. I wondered... 

"You should at least try! Put your own selfish problems behind you and make some effort for someone else for once!" Asra continued to berate him. 

"Fine!" Julian roared. "We'll let your precious apprentice decide, shall we?"

"Taking sides? How childish." Asra tutted. 

"Well, who do you believe? With whom would you like to spend your time?" 

I considered for a long moment. Did I really trust Julian to make the effort Asra implored of him? But then, things felt awkward with Asra, and I wasn't sure I was prepared to write off Julian completely. But on the other hand, Asra could always be relied upon to be there when I need him most, and I know undoubtedly that he cares about me more than anyone else. After thinking this over for a minute, I looked up at them both. 

"I've made my decision."


	9. Chapter 9

"Julian, if you'll have me, I'd love nothing more than to try and make this work. Whatever it is that's stopping you, I promise I'll try to help you leave it in the past where it belongs." 

There was an almost tangible tension in the room. Julian looked relieved somehow; Asra, horrified. 

"After how he treated you?!" He sputtered incredulously. 

"Asra, please, try to understand. I just want to try again, I want to be happy." 

He dropped his eyes and slunk off, leaving Julian and I alone. 

"Well, what do you say, then?" I asked cautiously.

Nothing, apparently. He gathered me into his arms, the difference in our height more noticeable than ever, and buried his nose in my hair, kissing the top of my head. I pressed my cheek firmly against his chest, listening to his heart. 

"Thank you," He breathed finally. "Thank you for giving me another chance. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have spoken to you the way I did." 

Despite Asra's blatant sulk, everything felt okay in that moment. 

\--- 

Alas, good things never do last. A few weeks in, things were painfully awkward around the shop. Asra and I could barely look at one another, and he seemed to be absent more often than not. My relationship with Julian grew more strained every day. It was clear he was trying, for me, but I could feel the tension nonetheless. 

Julian and I were spending a fair amount of time together, largely fuelled by Asra's prolonged absences, and while it was nice, it was decidedly uncomfortable. I just knew there was more to the story, and I so badly wanted to know what it was. Julian and I could not progress our relationship, it appeared, until this issue had been overcome. I decided to press him further, in the hopes of getting a proper answer.

"What? You still want to know?" He seemed surprised that I hadn't let the matter drop yet. 

"Yes, of course I do! It's clearly a problem for you, and for us, so I'd like to know." 

"Fine! Fine. I'll spare the details, but your master - Asra - and I, we have...a history." 

I knew it!! He chose his words carefully, selecting each one slowly to avoid giving too much away. 

"We worked together," he continued. "We were working at the Palace together, during the plague, working for the Count and Countess. I fell for him so easily, but it was a long time before he accepted my affections. I may have been selfish with him, but damn it, he didn't have to curse me!" 

I felt as if Julian was no longer talking to me as such, rather, he was vocalising his thoughts, expressing them for what seemed to be the first time. 

"So," he returned to the present, looking down at me. "That is why I just find it so hard to be around you. He's always with you, you talk about him so often, I just can't stand it. Everything turned sour with him, and I do have regrets of course, but I still cannot deal with him." 

All of a sudden, so much made sense. I thanked Julian for finally letting me in on this huge secret. I hoped that now, with that out in the open, we could work on this together and make our relationship work.


	10. Chapter 10

Now that I knew the truth behind Julian and Asra's past, I wasn't entirely sure how to feel. Although, it was at least somewhat comforting to know what had been bothering Julian all this time. I was glad to finally know the reason for their odd tension. I just didn't know how to work with this - they were both such a large part of my life. Being around Asra in the shop still felt awkward, and it was as if he went out of his way to avoid me. I barely saw him, and when I did, we seldom spoke or even made eye contact. It had been quite a while since we'd sat together with him teaching me different tarot spreads, sipping tea and talking softly. Truth be told, I missed this. While I had felt I was doing the right thing in choosing Julian, my confidence in this decision was wavering. Both of them were distant now, and although I was enjoying spending time with Julian, I truly missed the close relationship I'd had with Asra. 

Julian sauntered up to where I was sat, on the doorstep of the shop, and sat down beside me. We sat in silence for a while, close, but not touching. 

"We're closed, you know." I eventually mumbled jokingly. 

"All the more reason for me to be here. I was hoping to talk to you. Alone?" 

"Well, we're pretty alone now. What is it?" 

A sly grin spread across his face, but he quickly suppressed it. 

"I thought I'd drag you away from this shop for a day or two, have you all to myself."

"Oh, well, if that's what you wanted to ask, then sure! I'd love to come. Wait, where are we going exactly?" 

"I have an old acquaintance who owns an inn a few towns over. They'd always be happy to put me up. How about it?" 

I smiled and nodded enthusiastically. I'd never been outside of Vesuvia, barely even the town centre. I didn't say anything, but I figured Julian would want to get me away from Asra and life at the shop so he didn't have to think about him, or see him. 

"We can leave now, if you like. It isn't especially far if we travel on horseback. Fetch whatever you need, let's go!" Julian was filled with the eagerness and exuberance I always associated with him. 

I returned a few moments later to find Julian holding the tethers of two beautiful bay horses. I couldn't help but laugh. 

"Where on Earth did you get these two?" 

"My darling, just accept it. It's all part of the fun!" 

I'd never ridden a horse before, and neither had Asra, so I was a little nervous due to the lack of experience. Julian half lifted me into the saddle, then swung brazenly into his own. We set off, chatting easily along the way. He was right, it really didn't take us all that long to get there. We'd headed out of Vesuvia in the opposite direction to the forest, and up the hill. It had been a fairly empty road until we rounded a corner and all of a sudden, there was the bustling marketplace of a town. Julian clearly knew his way around here, guiding us through a street parallel to the market so as to avoid the crowds of people. We soon ended up at a whitewashed stone building with a simple sign outside declaring it to be an inn. 

Once inside, we were directed to a room up a creaky flight of wooden stairs, softly lit by the evening light honeying the hallway. Julian had barely opened the door when I noticed the glaringly obvious situation at hand. There was only one bed in this room, and it was probably only just big enough for two people.


	11. Chapter 11

"Uhh, Julian?" I gestured to the bed, unsure of how to phrase my thoughts.

"Yes, my love?" He seemed totally oblivious, but maybe that was just a ploy.

"There's...there's only one bed here."

"Yes darling, isn't that the done thing between couples?"

"Oh, right. Yes. Well, I suppose so." I couldn't explain my sudden shyness, it was quite unlike me.

Before I knew what was happening, Julian had circled around to my other side, wrapped his arms around me and fallen back onto the bed, pulling me on top of him. Laughing, I wriggled to support my weight on my hands, placed on either side of his broad shoulders. He wasn't having any of this though, and rolled over so we were facing each other, noses almost touching. We lay there in happy quiet for a while, until I felt myself drifting off to sleep.

When I awoke, it was completely dark outside, but the curtain and window were still wide open. Julian was pressed firmly up against my back, his right arm curled protectively over the dip of my waist. I listened for a while, and determined that he was definitely asleep. Too awake now to go easily back to sleep for a while, I shuffled out of his tight embrace and padded over to close the window. I stared out at the moon for a while, climbing up onto the deep window sill to sit there.

I thought about Asra, and couldn't help but miss him. It seemed like our lives were entirely separate now, and I seemed to only ever catch glimpses of him going from the kitchen to his little room in the shop with a fresh cup of tea. His days had been getting longer, and he was spending more and more time in the shop, although whether he was seeing more customers I didn't know. His sleeping schedule, although predictably unpredictable, seemed increasingly erratic, and it appeared to be taking a toll. Whenever I saw him, his skin was surprisingly pale, his cheeks hollow and eyes dark. I wondered if he was okay, and what was on his mind lately. All I could think was what had happened that day Julian came round to the shop. It hadn't been an argument, as such, but it had seemed to have had the same effect. I found myself wishing I could talk to him, properly, and fix whatever had gone so very wrong. At the same time, I became aware of a wetness on my cheeks, and used the palm of my hand to rub the tears away. Julian stirred in the bed and mumbled slightly, disturbing my thoughts.

"Darling?" He stretched out his arms, unable to feel me beside him.

"Why are you awake?" I near-whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed.

I heard the sheets around him rustle and guessed he'd attempted to shrug. He reached over and took my hand, giving it a small squeeze. I lifted the blanket and pulled him gently so he would shuffle underneath it. Then, I followed suit and lay with my nose in his neck. He pulled me as close as physically possible, holding me in a firm, protective caress. Soon enough his grasp loosened as he fell asleep again, and his arm slipped to rest on my hip. I felt my own eyes fighting to stay open, but quickly gave in. I was soon fast asleep, my breath matching Julian's as we held each other softly.

—

I was awake early again the next morning. The air was cool and the room was still. I escaped Julian's gentle arms and sat up, letting my eyes focus in the rosy morning light. Julian planned to explore some of the town today, which I looked forward to, but also felt rather guilty about. I should really be at the shop, helping with customers. He stirred beside me, clumsily rubbing his eye with the heel of his hand.

"Good morning" he mumbled.

"Morning." I smiled back.

He stretched out, taking me into his arms once again, and pulling me close to his chest. We spent quite some time lying there together, gently running fingers up arms, along collarbones and through knotted hair, softly trailing kisses down each other's necks. Eventually, the sun had warmed the room and we deemed it time to get up. We did so and dressed lazily, ready to head out into the town.

Julian left our things with the clerk at the front desk, and we wandered off into the morning. It wasn't long before we reached the centre of the town. Like Vesuvia, the centre square was lined with colourful market stalls. A small food stall caught Julian's eye, and he pulled me over to it. He selected some brown bread, still warm from the oven, and a soft white cheese. The vendor wrapped these in brown paper packaged tied with a string, and we moved along. I chose some huge round grapes and two glossy green apples from another stall, and we took our breakfast out of the market square to a small, shaded garden where just a few people were milling around. 

"What else do you want to see today?" Julian asked, between eager mouthfuls. "There's the beach by the river, or the walks in the forest..."

"I'd love to do everything, but I really ought to get home. As-he'll...I'll be needed at the shop."

Julian looked noticeably deflated, but nodded in agreement.

"You're right. You're far too valuable for me to take you away for long."

The silence that ensued was a little awkward, and we finished our breakfast without another word. As soon as he had finished eating, Julian stood up abruptly.

"Right. Well. Shall we head off then?"

I followed suit, brushing the loose grass from my legs. We walked side by side back to the inn to collect our things and our horses, and bid the inn staff farewell. It was a quiet ride home to Vesuvia - I could tell Julian was still feeling a little offended that I opted to go back to the shop. But I stood by my decision, I truly felt that I'd be needed. That, and I wanted to make things right with Asra. I couldn't stand it, not speaking with him. He was always on my mind, and I missed him and how things were before. 

\-- 

After spending the whole trip home thinking hard, when we reached the shop of the door, I slid down from the horse with the help of Julian's steadying hand. My heart was pounding, my stomach was tied in knots, and my hands were trembling right down to my fingertips. I took a deep, shaky breath, and looked up at him. 

"Julian, I'm so sorry, and I've had a lovely time with you and...I really care about you and all but...I feel so torn all the time. Between you and Asra. And I just can't cope. I live with him, and he's all I've ever known. I can't just leave him like this so...I have to say goodbye, Julian." 

"I thought this was coming." He said. 

"I'm sorry, I truly am. He's just such a huge part of my life, I can't bear to be without him." 

"I understand. My darling, it was a privilege to have my heart broken by you. Perhaps we'll meet again." 

He turned to go, and for a brief moment I considered stopping him. But I decided against it, and watched his auburn curls as he walked away, leading the horses behind him. As he turned a corner, the finality of my statement hit me, and I sank to the ground in tears. I sat for some time, until the door opened behind me.


	12. Chapter 12

Asra sat down beside me, the soft folds of his shirt brushing my shoulder as he lowered himself onto the step. He wrapped a comforting arm around me at the same time as Faust curled herself around my arm.

"Do I need to ask?"

I didn't answer. I just fell into his chest, deep sobs racking my body. For quite a while, I allowed myself to cry there, and he simply held me, occasionally rubbing his thumb up and down my back. Although Asra seemed perfectly content to stay like this for an apparently indefinite amount of time, I suddenly pulled myself together and sat up. 

"I'm...so...sorry." I said between hiccupping breaths. 

"You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. At all. Now, do you want to talk about it? Tell me what happened?" 

"We're done. Julian and I. For good this time, I think. He wanted me to not talk about you. Like, ever. I couldn't choose between you both. Or I didn't think I could. But then when we were together, all I could think about was you. Platonically, of course. I mean I-I don't...like you like...that. But..." I trailed off, tripping over my words. 

"I see..." Asra appeared deep in thought. "For what it's worth, I couldn't stop thinking about you either. Platonically, of course." He added with a wink.

I frowned at him, suddenly and inexplicably hyper aware of my every move, of the placement of his hands, of how my hair looked. 

"What do you mean? You ignored me for weeks! I was just here!" 

"It hurt me to see you with him. I was happy for you, of course I was. Your happiness is everything to me. But I couldn't take it, the two of you together. I looked to the cards for guidance, concluding that it was best for everyone if I just left you alone." 

We just stared at each other for a moment. Could it be...all this time, it had actually been Asra that I had wanted? And possibly, did he feel the same? 

It was he who broke the silence, surprising me in calling me by my name. 

"I think it's time for you to learn about your past." He said. 

"What?" Whenever I'd tried in the past to remember anything prior to my first memory, of being with Asra, I had ended up with skull splitting headaches, and a general feeling of dread within. 

"It's as good a time as any, and I believe you're strong enough to take it now." 

We stood, and went inside, to his room where he had a reasonably large basin of water on a table under the window. He waved a hand over the surface of the water, and our reflection flickered before giving way to a new vision. It felt like we were inside the image, but I was still very aware that I was standing still, looking at the water from the outside. 

\--

We were in a small house, and I saw my younger self lying on a tiny bed in the corner of the room. While I could only see their back, I recognised the medical uniform of a doctor leaning over the younger me. A woman with long, sandy blonde hair stood slightly apart from the scene, her hands covering her nose and mouth. She looked up and I saw the whites of her eyes were red. Not red from crying, or tiredness. A bright, painful looking red. Although she looked straight through Asra and I watching, I felt as if I made eye contact with her. This, I knew, was my mother. The doctor tending to me stood up and shook their head, saying something I couldn't hear to my mother. As the doctor left the house, my mother walked over to my bedside and sat down, crying. 

The scene dissolved, fading into a new one. Immediately, I recognised Asra. He looked just the same. We were still in the house, talking. Only, this time, there was no one else there. He held my hand, and I weakly attempted to sit upright. Even from afar, I saw that I was crying, and I saw the same redness in my eyes that I had noticed in my mother. I looked painfully feeble, my skin sallow, bones showing, forehead glistening with a fever that couldn't be sweated out. I started up a hacking cough, so powerful I was bent over. After some time, I collapsed back onto the thin pillow. Asra stroked my hair, pushing it off my forehead and out of my face. Tears rolled freely down his cheeks, and I realised I was very still. 

An odd shimmering mist obscured my view for a moment, and when it had cleared, I saw myself lying across Asra's lap, his head down, and his body shaking with sobs I couldn't hear. My body gave a few tiny twitches, and he sat bolt upright, staring wide-eyed at me. My eyes fluttered open, and I gave an almighty cough. This was it. My first memory. His hand cradled the back of my neck, supporting my head that felt ever so heavy and buzzing with an odd feeling I had never been able to describe. He blinked, staring at me for just a moment longer before gathering me closer into his arms, holding me as if I were a doll. He peppered my face and shoulders with kisses, as the scene faded from the water's surface. 

"I guess I have some explaining to do, huh?" Asra sheepishly rubbed the back of his head, ruffling up his fluffy hair I'd come to love so much. 

"Um, I think so?" I thought I understood, but a little extra clarification would never hurt.

"Your parents got sick first. I left Vesuvia pretty soon after that. We'd only been in each other's lives a little while at this point. You wanted to stay and be with your family, and I wanted to leave. So we each did our own thing. It was your father who you lost first. Then your mother. It was after your mother died that your condition deteriorated quickly, and I just...knew. I knew something was wrong, so I came back to make sure you were okay but..." 

"I died too, didn't I?" 

He just nodded, his eyes starting to water. 

"I was too late. One minute, you were lucid and alive. Terribly ill, but very much alive. The next, you were just...gone. I'd failed you. I was too late. I'd left you alone when I could have taken you with me and protected you. But I was selfish. It was all my fault." 

He was getting worked up over this, but I didn't know what to do. I wanted to know the rest of the story, my story, but I hated to see him in pain. 

"How...how am I here then? What happened then?" 

"I made a deal with the Devil." He said with a wry smile, holding up the Devil's card from the Major Arcana. 

"Wh-what?" 

"I knew then, when I'd lost you, how much I couldn't bear to ever lose you. If that makes sense. It was then that I truly realised how much I loved you. So I called on the only one I knew of who could help. I traded part of my heart and soul to bring you back to life again." 

I could only stare at him in disbelief. 

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't save your parents. I'm sorry I was too late. I'm sorry I left you in the first place. I'm so sorry. And I'm sorry I've never told you before. I was trying to protect you, but maybe you should've known all along." 

"Asra I...I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. You needn't be sorry. Is that...is that why our hearts beat in time? And why you always know when I need you?" 

He nodded, his violet eyes still clouded with tears. 

"I'm...so sorry." He whispered again. 

"All is forgiven." I said. 

Now the roles were reversed, and it was my turn to scoop him into the best comforting embrace I could muster.


	13. Chapter 13

"Should we... go inside?" I asked tentatively.

Asra sat up straight and looked around. The bustling streets nearby had quietened, and the heat of the day was beginning to wear off, the sky turning candy coated shades of pink and mauve.

"I suppose we ought to. We have things to talk about I'd imagine."

We both stood and went into the kitchen. I put some water on to boil straight away, knowing Asra's concept that nothing important can be discussed without the presence of tea. I busied myself arranging cups, saucers and a teapot on a shiny copper tray, while Asra leaned against the counter in silence. The water boiled quickly thanks to one of Asra's many small spells around the place, designed to subtly help us out. I poured the water into the pot with the smoky black tea leaves, and picked up the tray, following Asra to his room.

He'd clearly been in here a lot recently, and it even looked as though he had been sleeping here. The pillows were piled high in one corner, the rest of the floor practically bare, but littered with teacups, crystals and other random items that had been used and not returned to their places. I set the tray down gently on the table and sat. Asra sat beside me, so close our shoulders and elbows were almost touching. He absent-mindedly poured out the tea, even though it was still too weak. His hand automatically went to the gold choker around his neck, tugging at it, a telltale sign of his nerves. He took an almost inaudible deep breath, and looked into my eyes.

"When you died, and I realised I might never see you again, or get the pleasure of hearing your laugh or your voice, or of seeing your face when you master something new...I knew then that I just couldn't bear to lose you. When you woke up again I was so happy. You looked up at me and I just cried and cried, I couldn't believe it. You were just there, awake, and just as perfect as ever." 

His eyes had misted over and he took hold of my hand, pressing it to his lips.

"I knew then that I could never let you go again, and risk losing you for good. So I took you on as my apprentice. You'd already shown an affinity for magic, and you had nobody else. It was a perfect arrangement."

I so badly wanted to ask more about how exactly he managed to bring me back, but having seen the pain on his face when he talked about it, I decided against asking. I really didn't know what to say, and ended up just sitting there looking up at him as he talked almost to himself.

"As you've lived with me and I've got to know you even better than ever, I've just fallen in love with you so easily. I want you around forever, I love everything about you and I never want you to forget how much you mean to me. I love you."

He finished speaking, and we sat silently for just a moment before I flung myself at him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and sprawled all over his lap.

"You big dummy!! Why didn't you say anything sooner?!" I near-screamed through an overwhelming cocktail of emotions.

A rosy pink blush spread over his beautiful features, from his nose to the tips of his ears. He looked down, shy all of a sudden, and toyed with the bright blue crystal resting against his chest. Happy, exasperated, and confused tears spilled from my eyes and I just laughed. Asra laughed too. All seemed right with the world in this moment.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> * NSFW

We spent the rest of that evening in a hazy, euphoric state, so surprised at our mutual feelings for one another. I had barely been aware of my own heart's longing for him, let alone that he might feel the same towards me, but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. His constant presence in the back of my mind, the comfort that his scent flooded me with, the way I couldn't help but let my eye wander over every inch of him at any given chance. How could I have been so blind?! 

Hours had likely passed, and still we lounged around on the inviting velour of the floor pillows. We were comfortably nestled into each other, arms flung loosely across the other's waist, ankles entwined. Asra stroked the backs of his fingers along my cheek, and I ran mine along the line of his collarbone. He cupped my cheek with his hand, and suddenly, but not surprisingly, his lips brushed mine in a kiss both lazy and calculated. It felt like he'd done this before, but then, he probably had. He had implied that we'd had some sort of romantic connection before...the incident, after all. I leaned into him, and kissed him back. I couldn't help but breathe in the scent of him, smoky like the tea, but also a herbal, earthy smell of patchouli and peppercorns, and an underlying sweetness of vanilla. It was like I was seeing him properly for the first time. I took in every detail, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat, his slow, deliberate breaths, the silky feel of his skin against mine. I allowed my eyes to devour his entire being, from the clear violet of his eyes, to the toned muscle of his chest, to the way his shirt loosely hung about his waist, only just tucked into his slacks. 

"You have no idea how long I've dreamed about this, and what I'd do to you." Asra purred teasingly. 

"And what would that dream have you do now?" I asked coyly, trying my best to be flirtatious. 

"This." 

I gasped a little as his slender hand slid under my waistband. His touch was firm and knowing, focusing on just the right areas. It wasn't long before I was panting, my arms firmly around his neck, hips bucking at every move he made. His loose, unbuttoned shirt slipped off easily, revealing the golden tanned skin of his shoulders. He rubbed his hands up beneath my shirt, guiding it slowly, leisurely almost, over my head, following it with a trail of kisses up my stomach to my chest, ending with a long kiss on my mouth. With one palm against his own crotch, he took his free hand to shimmy the elastic of my pants down my legs, leaving them disregarded in a heap on the ground. 

His hot breath against my thigh startled me, his tongue tracing little circles there. It almost tickled, the skin so sensitive my body wasn't sure how to react. His hands followed suit, both of them slowly rubbing upwards. Upon reaching the top of my legs, his thumbs stroking my hipbones. His tongue had travelled ever so slightly further up now, and continued to draw needy moans and whines from me. My hands seemed to act of their own accord, grabbing his hair and pulling him down. After a while, Asra appeared to have decided that enough was enough, and he stood briefly to undress completely. I took the opportunity to crawl forward a little on my knees, looking up into his eyes. Slowly, carefully I used my hands and mouth as one to lure moan after desperate moan from somewhere deep within him. 

In one fluid movement, he had freed himself and pushed me roughly back onto the pillows. My breath caught in my throat and I bit back a whimper as I realised quickly what was coming. I tipped my head back and arched my back as I felt him, and soon my short breaths were in time with the rhythm he had quickly fallen into. We spent a long and intoxicating time romping around in the cushions, his pace becoming faster and faster until we dissolved into mutual pleasure, finally lying beside each other, panting, watching the candle light twinkle and flicker. Asra pulled me close, and I lay on his sweat-beaded chest, wanting nothing more than to be close to him.


	15. Chapter 15

The subsequent days were so lovely. Everything was back to normal, but infinitely better. Learning about my personal history, and about how much Asra and I cared for each other was a turning point in my happiness, and I felt as though I had come home for the first time in years. We spent our days in the shop, working together in mutual peace, passing one another with a knowing smile every so often. Sometimes it was a gentle brush of a shoulder, or a quick kiss out of the sight of customers, but every day was spent in quiet happiness, until the day was over and we were alone at last. Occasionally, on days that were really rainy, as had been the case recently, we knew we were unlikely to get many customers, we would simply keep the shop closed and curl up together with cups of the tea I had grown to love. 

We were having one of those days, rain pouring outside, the two of us relaxing upstairs in Asra's huge bed. My head was in his lap, and he stroked my hair absently while he described to me in colourful detail about one of the amazing places he had visited on his many travels. I half sat up, reaching over for my mug when I heard a clatter downstairs. The wind had picked up, so I assumed it had just blown something over outside, and lay back down. Moments later, there was another strange sound downstairs, like footsteps creaking over the floorboards. 

"I'll go check it out." I said, sliding off the bed. 

Cautiously, I crept downstairs. The rainclouds outside had made it dark, and the shadowy lighting was eerie in the empty shop. I admit, I was a little afraid. I conjured an orb of light in the palm of my hand to help ease the unsettled feeling I had as I looked around. There appeared to be nothing amiss, and I checked and double-checked behind curtains and the counter. The one place I hadn't checked yet was the tarot room. Pushing aside one of the heavy curtains that were drawn shut, I peered around the doorway. A shadowy figure startled me, and I stifled a yelp.


	16. Chapter 16

"Darling, I had to see you." 

As the figure approached, the light fell across his features and I instantly recognised Julian, his drawling voice giving him away nanoseconds before the visual. I had no idea what to say, and just stared open-mouthed at him. He stepped forward again, his long strides meaning he had almost crossed the room in only a couple of paces. 

"What do you mean? It's been over a fortnight, can't you accept that we can't be together?" I asked. "How did you get in here, anyway?"

He dangled a small key from a ribbon. 

"I've had this kicking around in a pocket somewhere for years. Guessed I could use it sometime if you weren't open. Like today. Why's the shop closed, by the way?" 

I didn't exactly want to tell him that it was so Asra and I could be alone together in his bedroom, lounging around all day. While it was essentially the truth, it felt a bit cruel to tell him that, when I'd only recently broken up with him, giving him the reason that I wanted to make my life less awkward with my master. 

"The uh, weather. Um, it keeps people at home, so we don't get many customers. So we use these days for uhh...cleaning. And book keeping. Yeah." 

I couldn't believe how awkward I had made that sound. Julian eyed me suspiciously, evidently not believing me, but he seemed to have accepted it anyway. 

"Well, I just wanted to see you. I've missed you." 

"I've missed you too, but you and I both know it can't work." 

"Oh but it could, my love. You know how much I care about you, and I've definitely heard you say you love me." 

"I do," I said, crossing my fingers behind my back. "I do, Julian, but I told you. This is my life here, and I really don't want to mess it up. It's all I've got." 

He looked at me, clearly not ready to let go without a fight. While it was true that I did still care, I knew now that it was Asra that my heart longed for, and that he was such a good fit for me and my life. He knew my past better than anyone, better than me, and I just knew he wanted me to have a future that was what I wanted. Secretly, all I wanted was a future with him in it. 

"...so why won't you?" Julian was saying. I realised I hadn't been paying attention at all. 

"Hmm? I'm sorry, what did you say?" 

He sighed. He fixed me with a long-enduring gaze, and put his hand on my arm, almost pleading. 

"Tell me you love me. I just know you do. Look me in the eyes darling. Tell me that you love me still." 

"I-I...Julian, I can't. I can't tell you I love you because....because it would be a lie." 

He stared at me, hard. His brow furrowed, and he released my arm. 

"It's him, isn't it?" 

Asra chose now to make his appearance. He'd clearly been listening, but made a show of yelling out to me. 

"Is everything okay? Do we have a burglar?!" 

He came to a stop right behind me, and glared at Julian. 

"What have you come here for? Harassing my poor apprentice again?" 

"You. Stay out of it." Julian spat. 

They both looked to me in a silent question. Should he stay or go? I rubbed my hands over my face in exasperation. 

"Look. You two clearly have plenty of dirty laundry. If you want to deal with that, that's fine, but leave me out of it. I've had enough of you both fighting!" 

Asra squeezed my shoulder. 

"You're right. I'm sorry, I'll go. I'll be around though, so if you need me..."

Julian scowled after him, eventually looking back to me, a hurt expression on his face. 

"So...is it true? Is it him?" 

I didn't know what to say. I looked down at my feet, trying to think of something to say. The truth? About everything? That seemed like a lot of unnecessary information to divulge. 

"Darling?" 

Each time Julian spoke, his voice became softer. It was now uncharacteristically tender, imploring me to say something to heal his heart. 

"Asra has been...very good to me. Throughout my life. He knows so much about me that I don't even know." I chose my words carefully, trying not to give too much away. 

"That isn't what I'm asking, you know that." 

I sighed, defeated. I decided to give up the ghost, and be honest. As kindly as possible, at least. 

"Then yes, you're right Julian. I think the world of him, and he thinks the same of me. I lo-really really like him." 

"Where is he?!" Julian flounced past me and into the kitchen. 

I stood there for a while, unsure of whether or not I should follow. Upon deciding that I should, I had to hurry to keep up with him, his strides equal to almost four of mine. When I caught up to him in the kitchen, I expected to come across a much more aggressive display of male dominance. Julian's hand around Asra's neck, or an angry stand off, something like that. Instead, I was surprised to see them talking. Julian still looked a heartbreaking picture of hurt and angry, but it was contained, and he spoke calmly. 

"You know, you have to be the best version of yourself. Be the perfect boyfriend as much as you can. I've already messed up, and clearly you're the better man here. So take care, and I wish you well together." 

Asra nodded sagely. 

"Yes, I'm well aware of what I'm in for here. Thank you, Ilya. Your well wishes are appreciated." 

"I guess...I guess I'll go then." Julian said finally. 

It was odd to see him like this. His usual larger than life, bold personality was significantly subdued, and it hurt to see him that way. But I knew, and this time I was sure, that I had made the right decision for me in letting myself fall for Asra, my oldest friend. 

As he turned to leave, I ran over to Julian. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, feeling him stiffen for just a moment before relaxing and returning my embrace with an all-consuming hug. 

"Take care, then." I said, my eyes slightly watery. 

He smiled wanly and nodded. 

"You too." 

He turned and left without another word, and I leaned on Asra, who had padded silently up behind me. 

"I'm proud of you." He snaked an arm reassuringly around my waist. 

"What for?" 

"You did what you felt was right, even though it was difficult, and didn't let anyone sway you either way." 

"Yeah, I guess I did!" Used to relying on Asra's guidance for most things in my life, this felt a big step forward. That, and learning my past. 

The rain still continued to beat against the window panes. With a comforting smile, Asra suggested we go back upstairs. I agreed quickly, eager to resume his stories told in that calm, relaxing tone, and eager to recover from the strange, emotional encounter.


	17. Epilogue

It appeared I had finally found the balance in life that I had been striving for. Several months had passed since Julian visited unexpectedly that rainy afternoon, and the spring was triggering optimistic blooms everywhere you looked. Asra and I existed in perfect, happy harmony in the shop by day, living for the evenings when we could be alone together. We didn't hide our relationship as such, simply preferring to keep the more physical aspects private. At the end of the day, we closed the shop and absolutely relished our time together, no matter what we ended up doing. The most mundane jobs to the most passionate of evenings held equal amounts of enjoyment. Asra doesn't travel away so often any more. He says he much prefers to be around home with me. I'm still hoping someday he'll take me with him, to one of these amazing places he describes to me. But I can be patient. 

And what of Julian? This is where that wonderful balance comes in. His talk with Asra in the kitchen that day was the beginning of the resolution of their long-standing feud. They both decided to forgive one another and move on. Thanks to this, we would see him fairly often. He'd drop by when the shop was quiet, and Asra had to get out the coffee that only Julian drank. We would all sit around, and usually ended up there for hours on end, talking and laughing about anything and everything. 

\---

Happiness. Happiness and peace. The overarching feeling lately, and it's the most glorious thing. I still have much to learn, about magic, about life, and about myself, but nothing seems urgent these days, as if I have all the time in the world.


End file.
